And the question we've had sent in is from ceara who lives in Georgia Atlanta.
So Sara Sidner asks Since I've really committed to this path of self improvement I've noticed that many
of my relationships have started changing.
Not all of them for the better.
Is this normal.
I saw you have committed to this path of self-improvement.
It's fair to assume that you're considering life coaching as one potential option of what you're going
to do with your future.
You've noticed that many of your relationships have started changing and not all of them for the better.
And you're asking is Is this normal.
So how men respond to this question is by drawing a diagram right.
No.
Have you ever.
Considerate.
Hodas as the trees grow.
Do you know how trees grow.
I learned quite a number of years ago that trees grow from the inside out right.
Trees grow from the inside out.
So when a tree is a seed or baby tree a baby Groot or whatever name once that's where trees grow up
the way and out the way.
Donna No.
I remember quite a number of years ago.
No.
I was introduced to the side Deo from from a tree expert a guy who'd worked with trees pretty much his
whole life.
And when I was working labouring forum the other time when he asked me if I would go and make some of
his trees grow no.
But sounds like a bit of a funny request and I was quite and funded by this at the time saw it all.
So I was quite young I think it was a mobile home maybe mid to late 20s before getting into life coaching
and all that sort of thing and I ended up asking some of the other guys who I was working with at the
time.
I mean this is a go and make the trees grow.
Is he pulling my plonker is he making fun this doesn't make any sense.
And the guys showed me was that the life of any tree is on the side of the trees always in the outer
room.
And in order to make a tree draw what you've got to do is you've got to take a baton and you walk around
go see the tree and he does it at around there on the base.
No as you're doing this as you beat this tree what it does is it sends the tree into a state of crisis.
So although this awls prickles on their roots underneath the tree where the tree was under the stick
crisis will stand to attention and start drawing in more off the nutrients and the water that it needs
to protect itself and ultimately grow.
So if you want to make a tree grow you're put under attack because as you put the tree under attack
you send it into a state of crisis.
Is there still a crisis that then projects the tree to get more resourceful and ultimately grow to protect
itself.
The thing is is what's true for trees is true for human beings there and if you put a human being under
a little bit of pressure right the pressure will either crush the human being the human being or allow
itself to be crushed by the pressure or it will fight back it will resist and it will grow through the
process.
This is the choice that every single man woman and child has to make in life.
Many of the clients who come to you for life coaching will feel like they're being crushed by their
burdens and challenges and crises in life.
But as soon as their life coach it's your responsibility to help them understand the extent of the choices
that they have.
Where many people in life will allow life's challenges to crush them is important to understand that
we can take these pressures and these challenges off and make them the new foundation on which we build
and live our lives.
What doesn't kill us.
Can we therefore make a stronger growth.
So I tell you all this is a bit of an introduction to home going to answer this question since I've
committed to this path of self-improvement.
I've noticed that many of my relationships have started changing not all of them for the better is this
normal.
Yes it's actually very normal indeed.
It's not a common phenomenon that many people understand but it is a very.
Hopefully we you're going to find to be quite an eye opening practical life lesson.
So let's assume here that everyone in the world is born into a family yet no family is a body of people.
And every single family determines what's normal within the family.
So children who are born into this family regardless of what their parental parental upbringing is will
regard and refer to their parent or bring in as normal.
Normal is what normal is for each individual right.
What normal is for one person may be completely normal or strange or wacky or or whatever for someone
else or own perception perception perception.
It's important to understand if we are born into a family then reborn into a body of people with our
culture and each family culture has a set of behavioural norms preferences rules.
If you're like a set of cultural beliefs and when we grow in life we've already looked through the course
that growing in life is about growing up.
It's about growing and maturity.
It's about growing and self awareness and it's about growing out of the limiting beliefs do we that
we developed our selves as children.
No many of these limiting beliefs are actually going to stem from the beliefs that have been passed
on to us from our parents.
But it's not because our parents are bad people it's just because they didn't know any better because
bearing in mind the world is evolving scientifically and technologically at such a phenomenal rate and
it's through the sciences that we come to understand we've come to understand much of how it is that
human beings are you know psychology sociology.
But to grow a knowledge can often mean to grow in understanding.
And if you grow in understanding that means that at some point you may grow to understand more about
life than those who year perhaps were once wealth.
So bringing all this back to relationships now if we're growing in life than were growing in maturity.
Life is.
A process of levels and stages.
And when we're growing where were moving forward were making progress and because is very much an individual
journey.
When we're looking to move forward and progress and life is not common that we look behind us to make
sure to check if anyone else is keeping up.
But what can happen sometimes and what is very true for me is that the jury that I have been on the
ice in around
70 years of my life pretty much in isolation isolation and not moving in or you know sitting in a room
by myself when I'm talking about is I went travelling the world I left the military and I completely
broke apart from the family that I was.
There was once part of what I saw when I returned home after many years the people and the members of
the family had pretty much stayed the same.
I had overcome so many challenges in my life so many hurdles so many crisis so many obstacles and I
had grown sort when I went back and spent some time with the family.
Guess how they reacted or responded to me and say things like Cain who feel like you've changed.
We just don't feel like we're as close as what we once where.
And that's actually the truth.
They felt the distance between me and them because there was distance between me and them.
It's not that I love them any less it's not that I care about them any less.
It's just that the path that I chose the tick in life was very different from the path that they had
chosen in life where I'd spent most of my 20s and early 30s pursuing frieda Progress authenticity vaid
committed to security and the comfort zone.
I just wanted to commit to the easy life doing the jobs take minimum risks minimum chances.
And I became completely comfortable in uncertainty outside of the comfort zone.
So this is kinna people grow apart and life is done because we come to tell of people less or care about
people less.
It's not because we're bad people or that they are about people not about one person being right or
the person being wrong.
One's But here it's just a naturally occurring phenomenon.
If you're committed to growing and someone else isn't well the principles there.
If two people in life aren't growing together they're unfortunately going to be growing apart.
And this is a choice for every one of us to make.
No.
When I think about the relationships that I'm in today my number one priority relationship is a relationship
that I have with my wife Karen.
All right.
She is my best friend my partner in crime all that sort of thing.
And I understand that it's not just me anymore which means I can just you know play one ahead in life
and do whatever I want because if I do that if I'm growing at a faster rate and higher then then avoid
will start coming into the marriage and we've experienced this once or twice today for myself and Karen
what we commit time to every single week is growing together.
So we all read the same or similar books sometimes different pace but as we're doing so we'll discuss
what it is.
Well learning from the books so that I'm not just you know studying in my own time read my own stuff.
But were looking to understand ourselves more effectively than each other.
The number one goal in our marriage is to preserve the trust and strengthen the relationship.
But that's in the context of a marriage what I'm saying is outside of a marriage that may not always
be a priority unfortunately where some people are committed to personal development and growth in life.
Other people aren't them.
And if other people aren't.
It can be a tough decision to me.
Sometimes you've just got to leave people behind.
It's sad but it's true that there are people who blow into your life for a season.
Some of these people at some point me or me not blow up.
And once people blow up the wall generally blow an eye out.
Not everyone who enters your life is going to be in it forever.
That's a truth as one of these one of these inevitable things.
But if we can learn in life to become okay just be in ourselves and become less dependent on other people's
approval and acceptance and foundation.
And if they're endorsements then.
Can I actually be a good thing.
Becoming aukin oral and skin secure within ourselves and no longer wavered by whether other people come
in with us on the journey or whether they're not I guess what I'm seeing here ceara is that.
If your relationships in life are in changing.
If they're not growing then they're dying anyway.
Why would anyone want to be part of a dead or dying or dormant relationship where many people in life
see change as a bad thing.
I personally see change as a good thing because everything is changing all of the time whether we like
or whether we don't.
The only thing that doesn't change sometimes is people because people get scared they choose their comfort
zone they choose security over freedom over progress.
So if you choose something different in life then it's a choice that you have to make.
But taken I have to decide whether the people who you are endless in ships worth if they're not going
in the same reaction as you do you want to cling on to them or you be prepared to just to let them go.
Leave them be because who knows them.
There's plenty of people out there in the world.
Read about nine points.
But we do believe there's there's more people over there where you go in.
There are other people on the self-improvement Johnny promise here.
Long winded answer.
I hope this makes sense.
Hope is relatively insightful.
This is a useful principle for pretty much every single area in our lives anyway.
If relationships are and growing then the dying people will blow into your life.
The blow up and others will just blow loads.
And if we're not moving forward in life than war we can not go anywhere.
So I know that personally I like to spend my time in life with people who are also moving forward.
I personally don't spend much time with people who aren't going anywhere but that's my choice.
It's my prerogative and then your choice is yours also.
So help me says Sarah molech ford a senior again in the next video.